Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of binge drinking has been perpetrated by Cherie Blair’s friends.

The Mail can reveal that Cherie Blair’s friends are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

The Queen said of the Cherie Blair’s friends, "Its the terrorists fault. Watch my eyes. Te-rror-ists. Now I can say anything I like and you’ll think it makes sense somehow. Brilliant. Te-rror-is-ts.".